Tremors 4: The Legend Begins

Tremors 4: The Legend Begins

Bride of Re-Animator (1989)

Grizzly Man (2005) - 4.5 out of 5 Stars

Documentaries are a tricky beast. You walk a fine line between boring someone who has no interest in what is happening on screen and cheating the viewer out of the reality of the situation. Werner Herzog's Grizzly Man did a wonderful job of showing the life and tragic death of Timothy Treadwell through his own images.

Timothy Treadwell has a presence on screen and an intense love for animals that pervades this film. People watching this might even think that his love for animals is too much. But his passion for his endeavors, the protection of these beautiful creatures, makes him all the more human, despite his own seeming loathing of people and preference to the animal world.

Herzog shows many sides to Treadwell, including snippets of the film that seem like confessions of Treadwell's own fears and insecurities. Treadwell talks in passing about his problems with women in the context of the grizzly world, such openness could be construed as a weakness but I found it reassuring to hear him openly talk about his love and his missed attempts at relationships, it help to actualize him for me.

I found myself drawn into Treadwell's world, more so because I wish that I had something that I cared about as passionately as he did the bears that he studied and lived with for 13 years before his death. We are searching for something in our own lives and some may never find it, but when you do find it, you give yourself completely to it, and in some cases, it can consume you.

The eerie, and some what prophetic, parts of this film come as Treadwell speaks of his love for these bears and how he would "die for them." This happens many times in the footage, and as an audience, knowing what happened to him, it becomes that much more poignant. Treadwell knew the risks he took and in the end, lost his life living as he wanted.

Joe Versus the Volcano (1990) - 4 out of 5 Stars

I, having a lazy Sunday afternoon to myself, sat down and re-watched this movie. Mainly because I am working through my movies that are still in the wrappers. I remember this movie from when I first saw it, but not really getting it then. I only had a line that would repeatedly run through my head, "I have no response to that." And also, a scene were two guys swing into two gongs and knock themselves out cold.

As I started the film, I realized that there are too few simple premise movies out there, that are well written. The writer uses a lot of exposition to fill plot holes in the film, but the movie is sweet enough that you can just let that go.

The concept of people being connected, a dejavu effect, the way a person can make you feel like you have known them your whole life, or upon first meeting, feel as though you have met before, is deftly handled by having Meg Ryan play three different characters through the story. And makes you think about how we can go through life and not see those right in front of us. For some reason, this resonated with me, not deeply, I don't think, but slightly below the surface.

The story is simple, and yet complex, universally. We spend all our lives not knowing who we are. And if you do know yourself, what do you do with yourself? I was amazed at how this simple film reached out and made me think. Think about finding myself, moving to some remote island and just living, or even throwing myself into a volcano.

I think we spend way too much time trying to be someone we're not, and it takes something to shakes us up, to wake us up, and realize that if we're not out there living, we're in here dying.

Zombies Gone Wild (2007) - 0 out of 5 Stars

There is no reason why movies like this should even exist. I can tolerate a lot in a film, but this movie (which I actually hesitate to call it) was so BAD, that I just fast forwarded through it to see if there were actually any good parts. Sadly, there weren't. No zombies until well over an hour, and these were apparently a gaggle of friends of the cast and crew with blood spattered on them, and bad Halloween makeup.

It could have been saved with nudity, but there wasn't even that, apart from a dream sequence breast shot through sheer corset. UGH! This movie makes me mad, because I know I could do better. The script is crap, the acting is atrocious, and the film quality is home movie style. Apparently, these guys had nothing to do one weekend so they came up with this story and made it happen. The sad thing is that in a weekend, you can make some really good movies, just take a look at the 48 Hour Film Project. I've done a few, and they are much better than this piece of cinematic refuse.

Please, trust me when I say, even if these are your friends in this movie, don't bother. It's like watching your grandfather's colonoscopy footage film with a camera from 1985.

The Devil's Rejects (2005) - 4 out of 5 Stars

I was not impressed with House of 1,000 Corpses, so I did have a bias going into watching Rejects. What initially piqued my interest was seeing the clip where the girl escapes from the hotel only to be subsequently killed. Intense! So, I caved and got it.

One of the more interesting things, to me, was the use of more upbeat or mellow music accompanying acts of violence and/or murder, instead of the traditional creepy, “coming to get you” music. These scenes were less graphic, I think, because of the choice of mood music. I remember as a kid, the one thing that would really scare me was the creepy music leading up to the acts of violence. But the thing that has really stuck with me is how Rob Zombie made the Rejects sympathetic characters. In essence, they are pure evil, they kill for whatever reason, but by the last quarter of the film, you find yourself somehow rooting for them to make it. The “good guys,” especially William Forsythe as Sheriff Wydell, make being good seem bad.

I think that because the film focuses almost totally on the Rejects, that we definitely acquire Stockholm Syndrome by the end of the film. I know I did. Nonetheless, Zombie put forth a great film, and I look forward to seeing more work from him.

Gray's Anatomy (1997) - 4 out of 5 Stars

This movie was very appealing to me, both as an artist, and as someone afflicted with an “eye error.” As I watched this, I looked past the stylized filming and began to see what Spalding was saying (Honestly, he was so entertaining to listen to, there could have been minimal set, lighting, etc. and it would have been just fine, or better). I loved watching him go off on a tangent, a clover leaf, from the primary story, and then to work his way back to what he was talking about original (which I often have problems with myself).

Another great part for me, as an improviser/actor, was watching him get caught up in his own emotions and stumble over his lines. Doing a one man show, especially live, you only have one take to get everything right, or at least as close as you can to right. I really felt the energy of a live performance coming through in this film. Spalding really connects with the audience, through shared experiences, and great storytelling abilities.

The only bad thing I can say about this film is that it made me want to try all these alternative cures, so that I could write a show based on my experiences with my disorder. But in order to get the money to try these cures, to write the show, I would have had to write the show, became famous, and earned lots of money to try those cures. Catch-22.

National Lampoon's Pledge This (2006) - .5 out of 5 Stars

National Lampoon needs to stop putting its name on such crap as this. They are basically becoming the Girls Gone Wild of film.

The story, or rather substory, involving the lesser characters, is okay. Kind of a "revenge of the nerds" for the ladies. And they were even able to get several prominent B level comic celebrities into the film. I was surprised that I didn't see Kathy Griffin in the cast. But this could do nothing for the shoddily written script that DEPENDED ON PARIS HILTON TO SAVE. She was the "main" character and the narrator. That is never a good combination.

The nudity, which you would expect from a NL movie is lackluster, even the sex scenes, if you can call them that, are simply half naked girls grinding around for the camera, instead of attempting to simulate sex with the guy who is in the scene with them. And those scenes went on for way too long, one scene had a topless girl sucking and fondling a foot for nearly 30 seconds, they’re supposed to be having sex! SO ACT LIKE IT! I had completely low expectations going into this, and I wasn’t disappointed, it was utter film refuse.

It's films like this one that tarnish the good name of National Lampoon, which brought us such great films as Animal House, the Vacation series, Van Wilder, even Loaded Weapon 1.

Battle Royale (2001) - 4 out of 5 Stars

This was fun! The story was interesting enough. It sparked me to think about ways to make a story similar but not a complete ripoff; an homage. I have always enjoyed Takeshi 'Beat' Kitano for his off beat characters and stories.

This was an intense "Lord of the Flies," which I also recommend. The gore was great, lots of blood spraying out, made me sit up in the chair and kind of do a happy seat dance, like, "OOOOHH SNAP!" The acting was a bit melodramatic, and the kids seemed a little old to be 9th graders, but I gave into the story and allowed it to unfold before me.

It started off a little slow, and the opening, which showed the lone survivor from the BR (which I thought was from the BR I was about to watch), was jarring to comprehend. Apparently, she was the winner from the previous BR. So I got confused and kept trying to figure which girl in the movie was her, and when I thought I had it figured out, that girl got killed.

The movie seemingly had a lot of symbolism and metaphors, flashes back on the students lives as the movie progressed. I don't think I got all of what I should have but it was a good way to spend the evening. I did like seeing the characters reacting like everyday people, some came together others split up and fended for themselves; that speaks volumes on the human condition and what you can do when you really allow yourself to trust in fellow man. Yeah, it was that deep!

BioZombie (1998) - 3.5 out of 5 Stars

This movie is so bad, that it's great! The acting is terrible, the voice over work is laughable, the story is weak, and the characters are shells. Separately, these things can make a movie a really bad experience. But all of these elements, when combined together, as in Bio Zombie make it a watchable romp through Zombie infested malls! Totally worth watching for the English dubbing alone!!

Boner of the Day - Flash Gordon (1980) - 5 out of 5 Stars

I got a package from my movie “dealer” today with, wait for it, Flash Gordon on DVD for me. That’s right, old school; Sam Jones, Topol, Max von Sydow, Timothy Dalton, Brian Blessed, music all by Queen. AGH! I’m getting a chub right now just thinking about it.

It was so cheesy and glorious. No need for backstory, it just starts off with the “gods” deciding to destroy earth, and then it’s all awesome from there. Pure evil characters, love under duress, good versus evil, floating rotating discs with spikes, Hawkmen, RocketCycles, gah – this movie has it all. War Rocket Ajax! This movie is the tits!

Max von Sydow is unbelievable as Ming the Merciless; iconic villain. No remorse, no regret. He rules with an iron fist, literally if I remember correctly.

This movie is a super psychedelic Star Wars, with no need for CGI. Just goofy characters who take themselves seriously and make this one of the best guilty pleasure movies EVER!

And it was out of print on DVD for a while, so I am a very happy panda now that I have it on disc.

Movie Reviews in Haiku

Stay Alive (2006) – 3.5 out of 5 stars

You die in the game
And the game makes it for real
Decent horror flick

Cry Wolf (2005) – 2 out of 5 stars

Ripoff of Gossip
Without the talented cast
And no nudity.

The Tooth Fairy (2006) – 1 out of 5 stars

Low value film stock
Cursing-nude TV movie
I want my time back.

The Exorcist (1973) – 4 out of 5 stars

Lots of backstory
Tension builds and I got freaked
Crucifuction - damn!




The Faculty (1998) – 4 out of 5 stars

Huge ensemble film
At the height of the Scream fame
Equals decent flick

Creep (2005) - 2.5 out of 5 Stars

I want to start by saying “Ich liebe Franka Potente.” She was the reason I watched this movie. Having said that, I still rated this movie 2.5 stars, because there were some elements that I could not let go. You can only suspend your belief so much.

The storyline is pretty interesting. Leading into the film I was very much set for a good story, the lack of orchestration and a late night viewing lent itself to an extra creepiness factor; all of this is good. But about a third of the way into the movie you begin to see the ragged edges. There are only 6 real characters in the film, including what you would assume as tertiary characters ; superfluous to the plot of the film and story, but apparently each of these characters needed to have a back-story that, if it was told as part of the film itself, was alluded heavily and multiply throughout the movie. Trying to make each of these characters sympathetic, so that you will feel bad when/if they die, even the villain of the piece.

Which leads me to the titular character; Creep. The deal breaker for me on this was the fact that the director, who also wrote the piece, wanted the antagonist to be sympathetic; not a monster but a misunderstand person. And that in and of itself is fine. I got that, I felt bad for the little critta, he doesn’t know any better. But, all of these characters are sympathetic, apparently, and so we shouldn’t want any of them to die, but they do. You spend an hour or so getting to believe in, and like or dislike, a character, and so you want them to “make it,” especially when it looks as though they are about to defeat the “baddy.”

Franka’s character, Kate, sees both the evil and the misunderstanding in the Creep, and so, of course, is torn between killing it because it is evil and murdering it because it is misunderstood. But through the movie, after it is established that the Creep is bad, and will do very bad things to you no matter what your opinions of it are, Kate has multiple opportunities to end it, literally, and she either runs away or misses and stands there as the Creep kills yet another sympathetic “I want you to live because I know your back-story” ancillary character, and then runs away. These moments are always where the “baddy” looks into the eyes of the protagonist and there is a moment, between them, where the protagonist thinks “If I don’t kill it, it will let me go free.” WHICH NEVER HAPPENS!!!! So you lose another friend because you didn’t act. I mean, monster’s half dead because of a beating it just took from a tertiary character, and all you have to do is end it, one simple swing, or stab, or shot, and the movie ends with multiple survivors., but nope. It doesn’t happen. Story goes on, you run away, only to have to face it again and maybe this time you’ll realize that sometimes there is no saving the wicked. You can’t change deranged.

I wavered for a while before I rated it, because it was not a bad movie, it was just the inability to act in one’s best interest, to act in the interest of the character’s instead of the story. The movie is worth watching once, but I would suggest that when you get to the point where you think that the monster is going to die, stop the movie, and imagine a really brutal death scene in your head. Or at that point, skip to the last five minutes of the film, because the final scene was pretty darn enjoyable, for me at least. But I’m twisted like that.